Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
