I think scott just propositioned me for sex
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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