I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
