he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.