All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants