I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
