Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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