I chose taco bell over sex...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?