u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?