I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight