Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone