you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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