My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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