I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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