I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Everclear isn't food dammit
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
