I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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