can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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