make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
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