The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
