sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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