She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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