if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
