On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
