I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize