Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
