I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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