why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
