Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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