so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
