Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
