please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
