So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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