I accidentally burped into my bong.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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