Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
