He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Randomize
