I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
