Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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