I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
