I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
