you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
