take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
