i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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