so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
