I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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