I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
