Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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