I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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