had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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