I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
