Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
