he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
