Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
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If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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