I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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