Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
