I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
