hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
