anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
