I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
