you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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