you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
