you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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