dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
