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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
