honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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