Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
