Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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