Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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