Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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